The trouble with alarm clocks...

...is that they go off precisely when set. Alarm clocks have no perception of sunrise, daylight, playtime, or breakfast, all of which are important factors in the decision of when to wake the owner.

I hear my owner complain in the wintertime that the days are too short. That it is dark when she leaves the house in the morning, and dark by the time she gets home. She, like most humans, seems to have conveniently forgotten about this complaint now that the sun rises early and sets late. I have been trying for several weeks now to remind her by waking her at the first light of day. The thanks I get? She tosses me out of the room and says she has at least two hours before the alarm goes off.

Well la tee da for the Alarm Clock. Who serves who again? The Alarm Clock does not decide when I want breakfast, or when I want to play. The Alarm Clock does not know when the owner has to be off to work and does not care enough to wake her early, just in case. The Alarm Clock does not know that by December, she will be complaining again about how little daylight she sees.

My other problem with alarm clocks? The wretched noise they make. One minute you're snoozing contendedly, and the next some person is wailing like it's the last song that will ever by sung by all of humankind. (That would indeed be a tragedy....*sighs*). It's no wonder most of the humans I know (including mine), greet this abrupt, offensive jolt with the distaste it deserves. What I don't understand is why my gentle urgings for her to get out of bed are answered with the same lack of enthusiasm, when clearly I am only trying to spare both of us this daily insult.

When we first met, I would wake her by pawing and pulling at her hair. She didn't like that. Then, I tried nipping ever so gently at the skin of her arms. She disappeared underneath the blankets. Toe pouncing was unpopular. Licking was not so nice. She liked when I would purr beside her ear, but that only made her sleepier.

Maybe if I just stood on her head?

Humans....can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

Bailey