Treats Puleeease....???

Ahh...Fresh air...

There's nothing I like more than having my window open on a nice day...


I just wish the table was lower....

Bailey

First you catch it...

Then you run off with it....Then you drop it in the human's shoe....

Repeat - as often as desired, or until it becomes less amusing to you than it is to your human.

Bailey

5 more minutes, just give me 5 more minutes!

The Joys of a Good Belly Rub

Yes, I know. The belly rub. A pathetic maneuver used by dogs the world over to flaunt their submissiveness to their humans. "Oh pet me, please pet me, I am your humble servant." Pant pant drool. Tail tucked and all.

Leave it to dogs to get it all wrong.

I can understand why most cats will not tolerate it, but I have to confess, I really quite like it and you can to, as long as you follow a few simple rules:

1. NEVER, I mean, NEVER be submissive. Absolutely no tail tucking. You are not begging for the human's acceptance, you are demanding their service. The human exists for your pleasure. Don't ever let them forget it.

2. Put the claws away. Those who've never known the joy of a good belly rub might have a sudden inclination to attack the hand that rubs you. Don't. The claws should only be used as a tool to remind the human who's in charge in the event they mistake your behavior for submission.

3. Be irresistible. Humans love it when you look particularly cute.



Bailey

Not now, I'm sleeping!

A cat needs her beauty sleep. At least 16-18 hours of it. And right now I'm a little behind...and upside down or something....that's gonna hurt later.

Happy Dreams!

Bailey

What's the probability....

Of her taking a break to get me some treats?

My human is taking a statistics class. I like to help with her homework:


I try to be interested in all her babbling about probabilities and normal distributions and critical values, but after awhile it all just makes me sleepy.

Bailey

Shiny, but does it come with treats??

Seems I have an adoring audience...a smart human called Kristen at As I Like It has given me a Thinking Blogger Award. Isn't it pretty?

It doesn't taste like anything though...but I'm hoping my human will be so impressed she'll give me an extra treat before bedtime. (I guess I'll have to go hide all the fur I plucked out of her slippers as she was sleeping in this morning...)

Anyway...rules say I have to pick five more cool cats to pass the award to...

First award goes to Sultanfus and Guy, who, like me, seem to know how to keep their humans in line. *sighs* If only I had a partner in crime...

Second award goes to Meankitty, who shares a blog with her writer human, who she appropriately refers to as "Typing Slave." Kudos to Meankitty!

All the kitties over at Cat.astrophic. Too much kitty cuteness to count. (Well duh...)

Finnegan and Buddy, featured in "We are the Kitties, and we Writed you this Book" (sequel, to "We are the kitties, Read this or I'll bite you"). They must be smart kitties to be in a book.

And last, but not least, my human pal and wise kitty mama, Virginia Lee. She's a friend of my human and gives me lots of ideas about how to train my human. (But shhhh, we won't tell her...)

And now, kitties...it's your turn! These are the rules:

1. You must write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think. (No Fish or Bird blogs, they'll just make you hungry)

2. Acknowledge this post.

3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

4. Go tell your humans to fork over the treats. I am. :)

Bailey

Take me, take me!!

Hmmm...what's in here? Snacks? No....

It's perfectly kitty sized!

Take me?

Bailey

Twas the Night before Christmas...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, I ate the last mouse;

My human was tucked into bed with great care,
I think for the holidays it’s okay to share.

And while she snored the winter night away
I went out on the prowl, looking for prey

I checked out the kitchen and my human’s knapsack
In hopes that just maybe, she left me a snack

When out on the balcony there arose such a racket
I nearly leapt through the window to try and attack it

But a bump on the head was all that did greet
My desperate attempt to capture fresh meat!

This woke my human and she turned on the light
And shot me that look meant to give me a fright.

But alas dear human, it is you who obey,
And for that little look, you surely will pay.

I put her back to bed with a rub and a purr,
Then found all my toys and plucked out their fur.

Next came the toilet paper, shredded with care
And wound around table legs way over there.

My night of destruction would not be complete,
Until I poked around all of her plants with my feet,

Then tipped over the litter box, to make a huge mess,
And kicked it around, along with…you guess!

All this because she forgot the first rule,
That I run this house, no question, you fool!

She will wake to this mess, and maybe she’ll snap....
But she'll always forgive me by the time I wake from my nap.

Merry Christmas Cats!

Bailey

Human troubles...

My human had a bad day today. I know when she's had a bad day because she seems awfully glad to see me (well duh), and even happier that I am not another stupid human. I dutifully cuddle with her while she lectures me at length on the stupidity of humans, as though it still surprises her. She never listens to me when I try to tell her that they are only human, and, sorry to say, most of them them couldn't help it if they wanted to.

Personally, I think my human would have made a fine cat. Not only is she not stupid (except when she ignores me, or hangs out with the dog), she is as fond of sleeping and snacks as I am. Also, I think she would feel better if she could swear at her humans without them ever really knowing the difference between terms of endearment and a trial run for the jugular.

And failing that, there is always the option of taking out revenge on their sofas.

Hug your human today, cats, especially if they had a bad day. Sometimes it's just what they need.

Bailey

How to wake your owner...

Someone emailed this to my human, and I had to share...






Bailey

Thinking inside the box...

I found this box the other night and drove my human crazy trying to knock it off the pantry shelf until she finally let me have it.

But she tied one of my toys inside and I CAN'T get it out!!!!

After awhile, I just got tired of trying...better luck next time.

Bailey

Everything my owner needed to know about life, I taught her

1. Show up early, and bring snacks.

2. Do what feels right.

3. Forget what everybody else thinks.

4. If you screw up, shake it off and pretend that it was part of the plan.

5. Keep an eye on everything, all the time, except at naptime.

6. Be social on your own terms.

7. Be fascinated by life's little things.

8. You can never be too clean.

9. Curiosity never killed anything but time.

10. Furballs happen. Deal with it.

11. Take care who you agree to serve.

12. Hunting takes patience, plenty of practise, and sharp claws. Hone your skills.

13. Independence is a virtue.

14. Just do it.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program...

For ME!!!!

It's been awhile since I poked my whiskers into cyberspace. Blame it on my human. You know how humans get when they are all tangled up in their "schedules" and "deadlines"

I think the only good deadline is one with a tasty fish hanging on the end of it.

Hmmmm...fish....got any snacks?

Bailey

All the news that's fit to eat...

My human likes to read the newspaper - heaven knows why - it's just rubbish. The only redeeming quality of most newspapers today is their easy shredability and the fun crinkly sound they make when I dive into them.

One of these days, I will teach my human that newspapers are WAY more fun to play in than to read...probably more intellectually stimulating that way too....

Bailey

Faux Fur Frenzy

A new toy, huh? This better be good...

Smells pretty good....hmmm...tasty too...

I really love this red fur!

Hey, human! Do you think you could clean this up? What do you think this is, a dog house?

So THAT's where the paper comes from!!

Hmmm...a paper machine!


Looks like it comes out of that hole!

Let me help it go faster...

Paper Jam? Did someone say Jam? I love Jam!!

Bailey

Is your human misbehaving?

Some days I wonder how we ever manage to live among humans. So regrettable that we must choose such a clearly inferior species to serve us - more headache than it is worth sometimes, I think, but you know they really can't help it. They don't know any better - they are after all, only human.

Have you ever noticed that even humans sometimes advertise their inferiority by admitting to each other that they are "only human?" Whenever I hear my human say this, I twitch my whiskers and think to myself, "Wow, if she only knew..."

Anyway...to help you decide if your human is passing muster, I've decided to list some of the behaviors that I find absolutely unacceptable in my household.

1. When my human puts ANYTHING or ANYONE before me.

I don't even let my human think about eating a meal before she has served me mine. When she comes home from work - she had best not check her messages, mail, or email before she has told me what a good, pretty cat I am and plays with me for at least 15 minutes. In the morning, she knows better than to leave the house before she has made ALL of the appropriate arrangements to ensure my comfort during the day. This includes, but is not limited to:

- serving me breakfast
- leaving a fresh, post-shower puddle of water around the tub drain for me to fetch a morning drink from
- making the bed and stacking my pillows in the optimal napping configuration
- cleaning the litter box and sweeping up around it (so that I may kick half the contents out again during the day at my leisure)
- leaving treats hidden around the house for me to munch on during the day (she thinks she is hiding them, but really, I know exactly where they are - the question is, does she know where I'm hiding surprises for HER?)
-playing at least 2 rounds of fetch and about 15 laps around the apartment with my little fluffy spider toy, which only has a couple of sad looking legs left.

2. When the humans have company, it is completely unacceptable for you to be the object of the guest's amusement. We are noble creatures, refined and well-mannered. Make the guests seek their entertainment elsewhere. Best just to nap someplace out of sight. Unless the guests are allergic, in which case, it is appropriate to be unusually social. You know, to teach them a lesson.

3. When the humans arrive home with bags of food but have none for you. It makes me want to yell "BAD HUMAN" and go shred a whole package of toilet paper. Hmpf.

4. When the human ignores my demands for attention. Hello???? Not just a pretty face, you know!! (You would think, that when I kick the mouse off the desk and stand on the keyboard, shoving my nose between my human's hands and the keys, that it would be a pretty solid hint that I am more important than whatever she is doing at the computer....). You would think.

Now, cats - I don't want to leave you with the impression that my human is so terrible. As humans go, she's not bad at all - sometimes she's good enough that I almost wonder if she reads this blog - but even the best humans need to be reminded of their place sometimes.

Don't let them ever forget it...the minute you do, they'll be bringing home a dog or something equally uncivilized.

You've been warned...

Bailey

Under the rug...

You can't see me!!

Think I can trip her?

Is she watching?