I'm so glad my human is home!!!

Now, cats, before you start thinking I've gone all soft, let me explain something.

I know all about giving humans the cold shoulder when they return home from an absence. Believe me, I'm a strong advocate of taking such ripe opportunities to remind your humans of their subordinate place in the universe.

But there is a delicate balance that must be maintained between indifference for the sake of universal hierarchy and laying on the guilt for preservation of personal luxury.

Normally, after an absence, I would be like most cats and make my human beg for my attention. Usually this results in the greatest number of treats - proportional the degree of guilt they feel for having left you alone.

But this time, after an extended absence during which I know she was in the company of a dog, I believe it was one of the few times where it was appropriate to greet her with warm and open paws immediately upon her return. Guilt can be bestowed on the human in many ways, and I feel that this is a much better way to discourage my human from such future absences. It's one thing to make the humans merely feel guilty...it's an art to make them feel like you actually missed their presence (when all you really missed was access to treats on demand).

Trust me, I've been laying it on thick. Greeting my human at the door. Seeking out her constant company. Polite wake-up calls in the mornings....actually sharing my space on the bed.

It's working. She's sucking up big time.

But she better not get used to this. I might have to go shred a roll of toilet paper just to bring her back down to earth. What do you think?

Bailey